Category: Sony 35mm f/1.8

Can you change yourself?

Change
Change

“You can’t change yourself, nothing can change you: no Primal Therapy, or Encounter groups-nothing. All that can happen is that you can come to accept yourself. You think you are ugly, then be ugly. You don’t like your body, you don’t like your mind-they are you, accept them.

And it is the ego that wants to change, become radiant, enlightened, unique. No one loves themselves. And this is the whole beautiful attitude of the religious man-that nothing can be changed, so eat well, live, enjoy. He doesn’t waste energy fighting against himself. Nothing is wrong but a wrong attitude. You are trying to square the circle-it can be done; if it could, it would no longer be a circle.” Osho

If you have a problem with this you can text or call 717-672-1014, I’m sure they have operators standing by who are experts on change.

The Great Depression Train

Train (obviously)
Train (obviously)

One night when we were teenagers my friend Jeff jumped in front of a train because he thought it was the best way to handle things at the time. A group of us had gone to the movies and as usual Jeff was out of control drunk. After another argument with his mother, a recovering alcoholic, he made his way to the tracks and waited.

Somehow he didn’t die but only broke his pelvis, and he continued to drink as heavily as before. He had his problems: two alcoholic parents, one who shot himself playing Russian roulette and a couple of missing fingers from a homemade bomb explosion, but which one caused such deep depression? Maybe all of them or maybe something else.

I lost touch with Jeff in my late twenties and watched other friends attempt to handle their depression in various ways. Most drank and did drugs as I did, and as time went by several ended up dead. After a breakup with his girlfriend my friend Cary tied a bayonet to his steering wheel and drove into a bridge. Others overdosed or shot themselves, and a former boss chose hanging.

Forty years later I still continue to struggle with depression and see many in the same boat. A photographer I used to follow, Don Graham, often wrote about his battle with Bipolar disorder and several months ago took his own life. He was in therapy and on several medications.

Depression is a fight we have with ourselves, completely created by our thoughts and we get stuck there. Antidepressants will only take you so far and often the side effects are unbearable. Therapy may help, but unless they’ve been there themselves it can seem like just words they learned from a course in college.

I think of depression like a train: Sometimes you can see it objectively, and despite all the smoke and noise you can distance yourself from it and get through the day. Other times its headed right for you, and like my friend Jeff, you stand there as it runs you over.

My favorite author, Charles Bukowski wrote: “Nobody can save you but yourself and you’re worth saving. It’s a war not easily won but if anything is worth winning then this is it. Think about it. Think about saving your self.”

Charter Day 2018

Charter Day Blues
Charter Day Blues

Yesterday three museums in Lancaster County celebrated Pennsylvania’s 333rd birthday by offering free admission for Charter Day. Charter Day commemorates the charter King Charles II granted Pennsylvania founder William Penn in 1681.

I went back to the Railroad Museum to practice using my 35mm lens. While most people seemed to be enjoying themselves, I heard several bored kids ask their parents when they could go home. The smart ones just used body language.

Reconsidering Attachments

Attachments
Attachments

Brad Warner, author of ZEN Wrapped in Karma and Dipped in Chocolate said: “True nonattachment is understanding that you are fundamentally attached to everything and, through that understanding, dropping your attachment to the view that you are detached from that which you encounter.

At the same time, real nonattachment means not clinging to things or people. It means dropping the idea that if you don’t have this or if you can’t get that, your life will be a catastrophe.”

I wish I read that before I went shopping for a new car this week, the decision would have been much easier and probably much less expensive. Or not.

Nothing Is Free

Free for the taking
Free for the taking

Toba Beta, author of Master of Stupidity wrote: “Nothing is for free, even in heaven.” But driving around the back roads of Lancaster, Pennsylvania today I proved him wrong. I was thinking about nothing in particular when I saw them, not one, not two but three FREE gently used tractor tires.

I stopped to take a look, wondering what I could do with such a generous gift from a simple Amish farmer. My first thought was to buy a tractor, but I don’t have a garage. Then I considered making tire swings for the kids, but I live in an apartment and don’t have any kids.

After what seemed like hours but was probably minutes of racking my brain I realized that I had no need for them at all. But it bothered me, after all they were free. As free as a fly, as free as light, as free as a mountain bird, but to me they were useless unless I become a hoarder (briefly considered).

Robert A. Heinlein once said: “Nothing of value is free. Even the breath of life is purchased at birth only through gasping effort and pain.” Dammit.