Category: Alpaca

The Master Appears

Master Al
Master Al

My good friend Alena Shminke who is also a therapist was trying to cheer me up this morning and wrote: “I think animals are basically happy because they just live in their bodies and that’s all. And btw, they don’t read Nietzsche.”

Since she lives in Estonia I thought it might be easier to talk to an animal face to face and see what he had to say. I met a woman who was feeding chickens and goats cookies and lasagna, which I thought was completely normal.

Al wasn’t interested, possibly because he was on a Keto diet so he came up to chat. Not knowing exactly what to say I asked: what is enlightenment? And he replied, when hungry, eat. When tired, sleep.

Knowing that this was the truth, I thanked him and asked, then what? He told me to come back at the golden hour, use a wider aperture, low ISO and get the color right which pissed me off. So I shot him.

They All Look Alike

Stunned by Stereotypes
Stunned by Stereotypes

Yesterday I sent my friend Alena a photo of a horse modeling his new coat and she thought it was the same horse as in several of my other shots. But in fact I had never met that one before.

I saw this guy at Walmart this morning and had to take a few pictures. I told him how some people think all horses look alike and he seemed shocked, but we both know that the real difference is the horse’s nose.

This one has a traditional Amish nose, probably because he’s an Amish horse. If you look closely you can also see a bump which may indicate that he was a boxer at one time before he took this job.

There is even something called Physiognomy which is a practice of assessing a person’s character or personality from their outer appearance, especially the face. While this may not be used much with horses the principle is the same.

After meeting with several horses today and assessing their character by the shape of their nose I can tell you one thing for sure. The ones with this type of nose do not like to be photographed.

They shake their head, stomp their feet and make strange faces, especially the former boxers. But with a little patience and no sudden movements they will eventually calm down enough to let you get a good shot.

Note: Most horses like to hear a good “horse walks into a bar” joke as long as the punch line isn’t “why the long face?”

When Cows Attack

Locals
Locals

I was reading the N.Y Post yesterday and saw an article about a cow attack. It said a highly aggressive bovine wreaked havoc in the German state of Bavaria after escaping from a farm.

The runaway cow attacked its owner, smashed a greenhouse and damaged a patrol car. She also caused a lengthy police chase until she was finally shot with a tranquilizer dart and brought home.

Since I literally live in cow town I took a ride this morning to see some cows and learn their ways. They seem friendly enough and usually come up to see what I want and probably wonder why I’m taking their picture.

But if you look at them carefully you can almost sense a darker side to these placid creatures. This one slowly walked up to me and gave me a look, a look that said in New York speak: “What the F*** are you lookin at?”

Maybe number 26 always looks like this, and maybe her two friends were not her muscle but just normal cows trying to kill the day. I wasn’t about to find out though and left for McDonald’s where I ordered two hamburgers and a milkshake.